It is very tough to know what your fears really are.
Sometimes you can figure out logically why it is right for you to go out and earn £100 million or why it is right to have the most passionate relationship ever, but your life won't reflect what you know is logical.
You may find that you have set these goals and have lots of reasons why you want to achieve them, but you still find that you are not producing results that lead you in the direction of the goals.
The reason this happens is because you have beliefs that you are not consciously aware of that prevent you from acting towards these goals. For example, you may really want to be a multimillionaire, but you may feel that generating wealth involves lots of pain, because you might get rejected when you start new relationships with clients or you will have to work really really hard.
But how can you tackle limiting beliefs you are not even aware of?
I have developed two very powerful exercises for overcoming this challenge.
The first one is to take a bird's eye view over your entire life. Take a look at all your actions and decisions up until the present moment. Visualise the key moments in your life and see how your life has progressed. Once you reach the present moment, continue to visualise what will happen as you continue to take similar decisions and actions as you have done in the recent and maybe longer-term past. If you do this as honestly as you can, you can often get a strong idea of where your life is really heading. Sometimes it is easy to begin visualising yourself owning this massive company or helping lots of people, but when you look at the actions you are currently taking you might realise that some of the beliefs that cause you to make the decisions you do will seriously have to change.
Once you have done this exercise ask the following question.
What fears are holding me back from acting towards achieving my goals?
You will probably come up with a list of several fears.
Now take this list and work through each fear finding reasons why the fear is completely flawed or why the fear is not relevant. This may require some creativity but it is definitely worth it.
When doing this also try and visualise why the fears are flawed, because this will make it much more real for your brain.
It may be a good idea to try this exercise several times until you feel deep down that you are not afraid of pursuing your goals any more.
I think what is particularly powerful about these two exercises is that they tackle beliefs that you are not even consciously aware of. This also means that once they are changed you do not have to consciously pump yourself up to take the action you need to to achieve your goals, it should happen automatically because you mind will believe that taking action that will achieve your goals will be fun.
Showing posts with label Reframes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reframes. Show all posts
Wednesday, 19 December 2007
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Sources of Motivation - Create or Prevent Fulfilment
Recently I have spent a lot of time considering how I want to be motivated. I have also considered what the different types of motivation are and the potential impacts they would have on my life.
From my research and thinking I have come up with two extreme sources of motivation. The concepts themselves are not unique and original, but from what I have found, the way in which I bring them together is.
So, the two extreme sources of motivation are
1. Ensuring your own security / staying alive
2. Providing value for others
The key characteristics of these two sources of motivation are
Ensuring Your Own Security / Staying Alive
-Scarcity mentality
-Based on the belief that there are limited resources and value to go around
-Does not make a person feel great about themselves
-Discourages integrity
-Less likely to produce massive results and unlikely to unlock much of a person's true potential
-Inspired by fear
-Self-orientated
-It is hard to be proud of the results produced by a lifetime of living this way
Providing Value for Others
-Abundance mentality
-Based on the assumption that a person can easily meet their needs and therefore changes their focus to how they can provide value for others
-Can be massively inspiring and motivating
-Encourages integrity
-Very likely to produce massive results and unlock much more of a person's true potential
-Inspired by love
-Others-orientated
-A person can be incredibly proud of the results they have produced and how they have lived after a lifetime of living this way
-When taken far enough it easily takes care of what the other source of motivation seeks to achieve
The above are the two extreme sources of motivation a person may have in life. It is rare to find a person whose motivation comes purely from one source. Most people will have a combination of the two.
What can be taken from this is that as a person moves further to the source of their motivation being to provide value to others they generally improve the quality of their lives.
It can be the case that in the short-run the quality of their life suffers slightly. For example, if a person gives up an hourly wage to try and run a toy manufacturing company they will probably suffer financially in the short-run. However, if the way they add value to others is a passion of theirs (in this case manufacturing toys) then it is highly likely that in the long-run they will increase the quality of their life and help others more. It is also true that if they are doing what they are passionate about then they are very likely to feel much better about themselves and therefore in a way the quality of their life has improved anyway.
Moving between these two sources of motivation is not something that is likely to happen overnight. Western culture heavily conditions people to focus on ensuring their own security, such as through the "get a job culture", rather than how they can contribute to others.
It can also be quite scary to initially make the switch. The most common fear is "if I just focus on adding value to others, then how will I pay the bills and keep my house, etc." The problem with this fear of switching is that it arises specifically because that person is still living with the mindset of being motivated by ensuring their own security. Once they make the leap to the other source of motivation that fear will no longer be relevant. A person will not be able to be motivated by providing value for others while consistently maintaining that thought pattern of fear.
Once a person intellectually recognises the benefits of the being motivated by providing value for others they have to gather enough faith to make the leap from being motivated by security.
I am yet to discover a case where being motivated by security creates a better and more fulfilling life than one motivated by providing value for others. This is one of the key reasons why I believe this theory to be so powerful.
So have a look at your own goals. Why is it that you want those goals? Could the reasons for wanting your goals link with how quickly and efficiently you are acting to achieve them?
From my research and thinking I have come up with two extreme sources of motivation. The concepts themselves are not unique and original, but from what I have found, the way in which I bring them together is.
So, the two extreme sources of motivation are
1. Ensuring your own security / staying alive
2. Providing value for others
The key characteristics of these two sources of motivation are
Ensuring Your Own Security / Staying Alive
-Scarcity mentality
-Based on the belief that there are limited resources and value to go around
-Does not make a person feel great about themselves
-Discourages integrity
-Less likely to produce massive results and unlikely to unlock much of a person's true potential
-Inspired by fear
-Self-orientated
-It is hard to be proud of the results produced by a lifetime of living this way
Providing Value for Others
-Abundance mentality
-Based on the assumption that a person can easily meet their needs and therefore changes their focus to how they can provide value for others
-Can be massively inspiring and motivating
-Encourages integrity
-Very likely to produce massive results and unlock much more of a person's true potential
-Inspired by love
-Others-orientated
-A person can be incredibly proud of the results they have produced and how they have lived after a lifetime of living this way
-When taken far enough it easily takes care of what the other source of motivation seeks to achieve
The above are the two extreme sources of motivation a person may have in life. It is rare to find a person whose motivation comes purely from one source. Most people will have a combination of the two.
What can be taken from this is that as a person moves further to the source of their motivation being to provide value to others they generally improve the quality of their lives.
It can be the case that in the short-run the quality of their life suffers slightly. For example, if a person gives up an hourly wage to try and run a toy manufacturing company they will probably suffer financially in the short-run. However, if the way they add value to others is a passion of theirs (in this case manufacturing toys) then it is highly likely that in the long-run they will increase the quality of their life and help others more. It is also true that if they are doing what they are passionate about then they are very likely to feel much better about themselves and therefore in a way the quality of their life has improved anyway.
Moving between these two sources of motivation is not something that is likely to happen overnight. Western culture heavily conditions people to focus on ensuring their own security, such as through the "get a job culture", rather than how they can contribute to others.
It can also be quite scary to initially make the switch. The most common fear is "if I just focus on adding value to others, then how will I pay the bills and keep my house, etc." The problem with this fear of switching is that it arises specifically because that person is still living with the mindset of being motivated by ensuring their own security. Once they make the leap to the other source of motivation that fear will no longer be relevant. A person will not be able to be motivated by providing value for others while consistently maintaining that thought pattern of fear.
Once a person intellectually recognises the benefits of the being motivated by providing value for others they have to gather enough faith to make the leap from being motivated by security.
I am yet to discover a case where being motivated by security creates a better and more fulfilling life than one motivated by providing value for others. This is one of the key reasons why I believe this theory to be so powerful.
So have a look at your own goals. Why is it that you want those goals? Could the reasons for wanting your goals link with how quickly and efficiently you are acting to achieve them?
Friday, 23 November 2007
Benefits of Tolerating Risk
I have just had another epiphany.
I have just been reading a book written by someone who has become very wealthy, but did not do it in a way that focussed on providing value to other people. I find that by reading perspectives from different people who have become wealthy, it is easier to isolate the core beliefs that are necessary for generating wealth from those which are not. With this information I can more efficiently tackle changing my own beliefs.
So anyway.
I have found that an interesting characteristic the wealthy share is their tolerance to risk. Risk tolerance is very closely related to a person's ability to overcome their fears. As you fear failure less you will be willing to take on more risk. I am beginning to believe that the ability to take on risk (sensibly) is one of the key factors that will in the long term benefit someone financially.
Another interesting thing I have picked up is how tolerance to risk can be applied to other areas, besides finance.
One of these areas is in your social life.
By enjoying risk you will enjoy expressing your true self more in social interactions. You will be more likely to crack jokes amongst people you do not know and you will be more likely to get involved more. This is because both of these things involve risk. Looking back on it now, it is often those friends of mine who are most comfortable with risk who are also the most fearless socially.
Now by being socially fearless they do not necessarily achieve the same outcome that I want to. For example, some socially fearless people I know treat people very harshly and do not feel regret (as far as I can tell). The outcomes they produce that I do like are ones such as being able to enjoy themselves a lot around people they do not know. They are also able to crack more jokes and it takes them much less time to form friendships.
To conclude...
1. Recognise the benefits that an increased tolerance to risk will give you financially and in other areas of your life
2. Find some ways in which you can improve your tolerance to risk
3. Apply it!
I have just been reading a book written by someone who has become very wealthy, but did not do it in a way that focussed on providing value to other people. I find that by reading perspectives from different people who have become wealthy, it is easier to isolate the core beliefs that are necessary for generating wealth from those which are not. With this information I can more efficiently tackle changing my own beliefs.
So anyway.
I have found that an interesting characteristic the wealthy share is their tolerance to risk. Risk tolerance is very closely related to a person's ability to overcome their fears. As you fear failure less you will be willing to take on more risk. I am beginning to believe that the ability to take on risk (sensibly) is one of the key factors that will in the long term benefit someone financially.
Another interesting thing I have picked up is how tolerance to risk can be applied to other areas, besides finance.
One of these areas is in your social life.
By enjoying risk you will enjoy expressing your true self more in social interactions. You will be more likely to crack jokes amongst people you do not know and you will be more likely to get involved more. This is because both of these things involve risk. Looking back on it now, it is often those friends of mine who are most comfortable with risk who are also the most fearless socially.
Now by being socially fearless they do not necessarily achieve the same outcome that I want to. For example, some socially fearless people I know treat people very harshly and do not feel regret (as far as I can tell). The outcomes they produce that I do like are ones such as being able to enjoy themselves a lot around people they do not know. They are also able to crack more jokes and it takes them much less time to form friendships.
To conclude...
1. Recognise the benefits that an increased tolerance to risk will give you financially and in other areas of your life
2. Find some ways in which you can improve your tolerance to risk
3. Apply it!
Sunday, 16 September 2007
Overcoming Fear of Failure
Once you realise that almost anything you want in life is achievable the biggest obstacle you will have to overcome is the fear of failure.
So what is the best way to take on the niggle in the back of your head saying "what if I fail?"
The easiest way I believe to overcome this fear is to look at the situation differently. Once you understand intellectually why facing potential failure is a good thing, it becomes easier to address the more specific fears you have about failure.
I believe the cost of not facing potential failure in some areas of your life is greater than experiencing the actual failure itself.
Take for example the fear of starting your own business and going bankrupt as a result. This is a pretty common fear that keeps most people as employees for all their lives. But what if your worst fears actually came true?
I could not think of many more character building things than overcoming bankruptcy. Furthermore there would be so much to learn about yourself as well as finances by living through the process. Think of some of the great people who have faced bankruptcy and come back, most notably Donald Trump. The people that come back often go on to live lives that are much better than they ever were before. Although bankruptcy destroys all your financial assets it grows your greatest personal asset which is who you are as a person.
I'm not trying to glorify bankruptcy, I am trying to emphasize that our greatest fears are not as bad as they seem. Very often it is worth taking on something where we fear failure, because the real reward comes in who you become as a person by taking on the challenge, not necessarily just the end result.
To summarize all this: You have a choice. You can take on the challenge of achieving what you want most in life, e.g. financial independence, the perfect relationship for you, great health, etc. or you can play it safe and not achieve those things, but not risk losing what you already have. The cost of not taking on the challenge is not only that you will never live to experience the things you truly deserve in life, but you become less of a person, because you will live a life that has been bound by fear.
When you remember that in life all you really have is who you are as a person the choice becomes somewhat easier to make.
So what is the best way to take on the niggle in the back of your head saying "what if I fail?"
The easiest way I believe to overcome this fear is to look at the situation differently. Once you understand intellectually why facing potential failure is a good thing, it becomes easier to address the more specific fears you have about failure.
I believe the cost of not facing potential failure in some areas of your life is greater than experiencing the actual failure itself.
Take for example the fear of starting your own business and going bankrupt as a result. This is a pretty common fear that keeps most people as employees for all their lives. But what if your worst fears actually came true?
I could not think of many more character building things than overcoming bankruptcy. Furthermore there would be so much to learn about yourself as well as finances by living through the process. Think of some of the great people who have faced bankruptcy and come back, most notably Donald Trump. The people that come back often go on to live lives that are much better than they ever were before. Although bankruptcy destroys all your financial assets it grows your greatest personal asset which is who you are as a person.
I'm not trying to glorify bankruptcy, I am trying to emphasize that our greatest fears are not as bad as they seem. Very often it is worth taking on something where we fear failure, because the real reward comes in who you become as a person by taking on the challenge, not necessarily just the end result.
To summarize all this: You have a choice. You can take on the challenge of achieving what you want most in life, e.g. financial independence, the perfect relationship for you, great health, etc. or you can play it safe and not achieve those things, but not risk losing what you already have. The cost of not taking on the challenge is not only that you will never live to experience the things you truly deserve in life, but you become less of a person, because you will live a life that has been bound by fear.
When you remember that in life all you really have is who you are as a person the choice becomes somewhat easier to make.
Friday, 14 September 2007
Deciding Whether to Listen to Criticism
How do we know whether someone's criticism is helpful or not? When is it in our best interest to listen to someone's criticism?
When receiving criticism always remember the following fact - sharing someone's beliefs comes at the cost of producing the same results as them.
A really common form of criticism in society is the criticism of status. If you obtain status in any area of life, be it through sports, health, finances, contribution, etc. then there will always be some form of criticism.
More often than not, this criticism will come from someone who is producing results that are not as good as yours (often resulting in lower status) or is threatened by the results you are producing.
When you receive a criticism like this you can either carry on whatever it is you are doing or you can do what those who are criticizing you say you should do. However, as was said earlier, if you do what others of lower status say you should do then you will eventually produce the same results as them.
Another way of looking at the choice you have is this: You can either carry on producing the results you do, e.g. healthy body, improving your finances, etc. or you can reduce the quality of results you are producing, e.g. eat less healthily or reduce you financial wellbeing, etc.
You can also look at this situation from the opposite perspective. Say someone who is producing better results than you gives you advice or criticizes you then again you have two choices, but the choices are flipped. You can choose to try out their advice and potentially produce better results like they are or you can ignore the criticism and continue to produce the results that you always have done.
When you look at criticism in this way it makes it much easier to choose whether to listen to it or not. When you have more experience at dealing with criticism the real question you will want to answer becomes "what is the best way to handle the situation when I decide not to listen to someone's criticism?"
****************
Thanks to the following for including this article in
-The Live the Power Unlimited Carnival located at Live the Power
When receiving criticism always remember the following fact - sharing someone's beliefs comes at the cost of producing the same results as them.
A really common form of criticism in society is the criticism of status. If you obtain status in any area of life, be it through sports, health, finances, contribution, etc. then there will always be some form of criticism.
More often than not, this criticism will come from someone who is producing results that are not as good as yours (often resulting in lower status) or is threatened by the results you are producing.
When you receive a criticism like this you can either carry on whatever it is you are doing or you can do what those who are criticizing you say you should do. However, as was said earlier, if you do what others of lower status say you should do then you will eventually produce the same results as them.
Another way of looking at the choice you have is this: You can either carry on producing the results you do, e.g. healthy body, improving your finances, etc. or you can reduce the quality of results you are producing, e.g. eat less healthily or reduce you financial wellbeing, etc.
You can also look at this situation from the opposite perspective. Say someone who is producing better results than you gives you advice or criticizes you then again you have two choices, but the choices are flipped. You can choose to try out their advice and potentially produce better results like they are or you can ignore the criticism and continue to produce the results that you always have done.
When you look at criticism in this way it makes it much easier to choose whether to listen to it or not. When you have more experience at dealing with criticism the real question you will want to answer becomes "what is the best way to handle the situation when I decide not to listen to someone's criticism?"
****************
Thanks to the following for including this article in
-The Live the Power Unlimited Carnival located at Live the Power
Wednesday, 12 September 2007
Should We Adopt Pseudoscientific Beliefs?
By definition a scientific belief is a belief that could potentially be falsified. This means that it must through observation or physical experimentation be possible for the belief to be disproved. For more on this see here.
A term used to describe something that is not disprovable is pseudoscience.
Technically the law of attraction is pseudoscience.
This is because no matter what results are produced in the world the law of attraction can justify it. For example if someone says the law of attraction does not work, because they tried it and they did not become rich, then someone who believes in the LoA can say that that person failed because of their lack of belief in the LoA. No matter what result happens someone can just say that it occurred because the law of attraction was in action, but not used properly. This means there can never be a situation where the law of attraction can be disproved.
Does this mean the LoA is a belief system that we should not adopt?
Not necessarily.
I personally have not yet figured out if the LoA is a belief system that works for me. I believe we have a very direct influence over the results we produce in life and these are directly linked to what we focus on and think about most in life. However, there are part of the LoA that I am less certain about, such as manifesting results over which I have no physical influence.
Having said that, I do not believe that the LoA should not be adopted as a belief just because it is not scientific. I believe this, because although the LoA cannot be falsified, it could still be a useful model for explaining our reality and producing results.
Ultimately I believe what really matters is the affect a belief system has on your life. If you want to live a life full of joy, success and love then I believe it is more important that you choose beliefs that will help you achieve these goals in the long term, than choose beliefs because they have strong scientific backing.
A term used to describe something that is not disprovable is pseudoscience.
Technically the law of attraction is pseudoscience.
This is because no matter what results are produced in the world the law of attraction can justify it. For example if someone says the law of attraction does not work, because they tried it and they did not become rich, then someone who believes in the LoA can say that that person failed because of their lack of belief in the LoA. No matter what result happens someone can just say that it occurred because the law of attraction was in action, but not used properly. This means there can never be a situation where the law of attraction can be disproved.
Does this mean the LoA is a belief system that we should not adopt?
Not necessarily.
I personally have not yet figured out if the LoA is a belief system that works for me. I believe we have a very direct influence over the results we produce in life and these are directly linked to what we focus on and think about most in life. However, there are part of the LoA that I am less certain about, such as manifesting results over which I have no physical influence.
Having said that, I do not believe that the LoA should not be adopted as a belief just because it is not scientific. I believe this, because although the LoA cannot be falsified, it could still be a useful model for explaining our reality and producing results.
Ultimately I believe what really matters is the affect a belief system has on your life. If you want to live a life full of joy, success and love then I believe it is more important that you choose beliefs that will help you achieve these goals in the long term, than choose beliefs because they have strong scientific backing.
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
Being the World's Greatest ...
What kind of mindset does it take to be successful in any field?
If you focus on a number of people involved in any particular area of expertise (e.g. investing, sport, charity work, fitness, etc) there will a rough group structure as follows.
1. There are people who are terrible at the skill or expertise who try and fail, but never learn. These kind of people do not often stay in a field for a long period of time.
2. There are people who do it for the fun of it, have some success here and there, but don't contribute massively to the field, except for in their sheer numbers.
3. There are the people that do it for a living, e.g. fund managers, professional athletes, etc. These people contribute the most of the 3 groups so far, but they are often not as pro-active in their contribution and commitment as they could be.
4. There are people who commit and dedicate themselves to excellence. They pro-actively set goals to challenge themselves to expand their current skill level and the level of all others, e.g. Warren Buffet, Michael Jordan, Mother Teresa, Lance Armstrong, etc.
Numbers 1 to 3 will make up the majority of any field of expertise. Often those in group 4 are the ones that set the boundaries and standards of possibility for the other groups.
So what are some of the mindsets that make group 4 different from the others?
In a way the answer to this is partly what my blog is all about, but I will focus on one specific answer here.
People in group 4 are unique, because they share a different mindset to the people in the other groups. The beliefs they have cause them to act differently to the others which causes them to produce different results.
I like to call the mindset they share as intelligent counter-convention.
What I mean by intelligent is that their beliefs are very well thought out, especially in terms of achieving their outcome. When you hear and read about anyone who is the very top of their field they always seem to have beliefs that are entirely congruent with producing top results.
What I mean by counter-convention is that the beliefs shared by group 4 will often run contrary to those of the rest of the group. If they did not then they would produce similar results to groups 1 to 3.
Warren Buffet, the person to generate most wealth through investing in the world, is a great example of this. When you read about him or watch him speak you get to hear how his beliefs are subtly different from the majority of the investing world. These differences from everyone else are what allows him to consistently beat the stock market indexes.
So what can we learn from all this?
1. If you have well developed beliefs about a particular skill and you are largely criticised for them, do not scrap those beliefs straight away. There are countless examples in history where someone has been criticised initially for doing something and later rewarded for having done it. Groups 1 to 3 will want you to share the same beliefs as them, but this will come at the cost of producing the same results as them.
2. If you are going to copy beliefs from someone, pro-actively choose these beliefs. Copy the beliefs from people who are producing the results you want. If you only want to enter a field for a bit of relaxation, e.g. playing a sport in your free time, then copying beliefs from the world's greatest may not be the best strategy for you.
3. Do not forget that you have a choice of which group you can be a part of.
I cannot think of a successful person in the world who does not exhibit some type of intelligent counter-convention. If you can please tell me. I believe it is an essential factor to rise above the majority and contribute your full potential.
****************
Thanks to the following for including this article in
-The Live the Power Unlimited Carnival located at Live the Power
-The Carnival of Money, Growth and Happiness located at Credit Card Lowdown
If you focus on a number of people involved in any particular area of expertise (e.g. investing, sport, charity work, fitness, etc) there will a rough group structure as follows.
1. There are people who are terrible at the skill or expertise who try and fail, but never learn. These kind of people do not often stay in a field for a long period of time.
2. There are people who do it for the fun of it, have some success here and there, but don't contribute massively to the field, except for in their sheer numbers.
3. There are the people that do it for a living, e.g. fund managers, professional athletes, etc. These people contribute the most of the 3 groups so far, but they are often not as pro-active in their contribution and commitment as they could be.
4. There are people who commit and dedicate themselves to excellence. They pro-actively set goals to challenge themselves to expand their current skill level and the level of all others, e.g. Warren Buffet, Michael Jordan, Mother Teresa, Lance Armstrong, etc.
Numbers 1 to 3 will make up the majority of any field of expertise. Often those in group 4 are the ones that set the boundaries and standards of possibility for the other groups.
So what are some of the mindsets that make group 4 different from the others?
In a way the answer to this is partly what my blog is all about, but I will focus on one specific answer here.
People in group 4 are unique, because they share a different mindset to the people in the other groups. The beliefs they have cause them to act differently to the others which causes them to produce different results.
I like to call the mindset they share as intelligent counter-convention.
What I mean by intelligent is that their beliefs are very well thought out, especially in terms of achieving their outcome. When you hear and read about anyone who is the very top of their field they always seem to have beliefs that are entirely congruent with producing top results.
What I mean by counter-convention is that the beliefs shared by group 4 will often run contrary to those of the rest of the group. If they did not then they would produce similar results to groups 1 to 3.
Warren Buffet, the person to generate most wealth through investing in the world, is a great example of this. When you read about him or watch him speak you get to hear how his beliefs are subtly different from the majority of the investing world. These differences from everyone else are what allows him to consistently beat the stock market indexes.
So what can we learn from all this?
1. If you have well developed beliefs about a particular skill and you are largely criticised for them, do not scrap those beliefs straight away. There are countless examples in history where someone has been criticised initially for doing something and later rewarded for having done it. Groups 1 to 3 will want you to share the same beliefs as them, but this will come at the cost of producing the same results as them.
2. If you are going to copy beliefs from someone, pro-actively choose these beliefs. Copy the beliefs from people who are producing the results you want. If you only want to enter a field for a bit of relaxation, e.g. playing a sport in your free time, then copying beliefs from the world's greatest may not be the best strategy for you.
3. Do not forget that you have a choice of which group you can be a part of.
I cannot think of a successful person in the world who does not exhibit some type of intelligent counter-convention. If you can please tell me. I believe it is an essential factor to rise above the majority and contribute your full potential.
****************
Thanks to the following for including this article in
-The Live the Power Unlimited Carnival located at Live the Power
-The Carnival of Money, Growth and Happiness located at Credit Card Lowdown
Sunday, 2 September 2007
Complaining Up = Responsibility Down
Steve Pavlina posted a very interesting article a few weeks ago about complaining.
What this article really challenged me to think about was the link between complaining and responsibility.
When you complain about something it is like acknowledging that someone or something else is responsible for you and how you feel. If you complain you are saying "I have no power over this situation, but I wish it would change". In the real world significant change in your situation only comes about by your direct action, therefore anything you do otherwise is giving up control over your life.
When you say to yourself that something is outside of your control it is a great excuse to make no effort to change. Only when you accept responsibility for something will you feel compelled to take action to change something if you do not like it.
Complaining is the exact opposite of taking control of a situation. The more you do it the less control you have, over that situation and your life.
What this article really challenged me to think about was the link between complaining and responsibility.
When you complain about something it is like acknowledging that someone or something else is responsible for you and how you feel. If you complain you are saying "I have no power over this situation, but I wish it would change". In the real world significant change in your situation only comes about by your direct action, therefore anything you do otherwise is giving up control over your life.
When you say to yourself that something is outside of your control it is a great excuse to make no effort to change. Only when you accept responsibility for something will you feel compelled to take action to change something if you do not like it.
Complaining is the exact opposite of taking control of a situation. The more you do it the less control you have, over that situation and your life.
Saturday, 1 September 2007
Get Out of That Rut and Find Inspiration
A major tragedy in life is when you get stuck in a rut. When you keep doing something you really do not enjoy.
I had this experience a while ago while working full-time for a company and it really started to get to me. Eventually I realised I had to get myself out of the situation. It was not an easy decision because of all the commitments I had made to the work, but in the context of my life I knew I had no choice but to leave.
I left to travel the other side of the world for a bit and this was one of the most valuable experiences of my life. Leaving that situation allowed me to clear my mind and get a completely new perspective on life.
After returning I found myself invigorated and travelling down a new path towards my chosen destiny. I urge you to make the same changes if you have not already. The inspiration to make these kind of changes are easy to find, but you have to break your habit.
I was walking around our garden yesterday and I was refreshed with a new perspective of where I am at now and where I want to go. Inspiration really is easy to find. You just have to get the courage to break your current pattern so that you can take a more objective look at how your life really is today.
I had this experience a while ago while working full-time for a company and it really started to get to me. Eventually I realised I had to get myself out of the situation. It was not an easy decision because of all the commitments I had made to the work, but in the context of my life I knew I had no choice but to leave.
I left to travel the other side of the world for a bit and this was one of the most valuable experiences of my life. Leaving that situation allowed me to clear my mind and get a completely new perspective on life.
After returning I found myself invigorated and travelling down a new path towards my chosen destiny. I urge you to make the same changes if you have not already. The inspiration to make these kind of changes are easy to find, but you have to break your habit.
I was walking around our garden yesterday and I was refreshed with a new perspective of where I am at now and where I want to go. Inspiration really is easy to find. You just have to get the courage to break your current pattern so that you can take a more objective look at how your life really is today.
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
Overcome Belief Barriers to Unconditional Love, Giving and Social Acceptance
While on the road of self-improvement I discover many beliefs of mine that do not help me achieve what I would like to. Some of the most intriguing limiting beliefs that I have are my beliefs about what would happen if I changed certain beliefs. The challenge is that changing these beliefs is the next step towards achieving some of my goals, but part of me still fears that if I adopt them then they will be very damaging to my life. I have listed three beliefs that I believe I am most likely to share with other people below:
Belief 1
If I condition myself to always feel socially accepted then I will lose my sensory acuity to how people react to my actions and I will behave in a way that will cause me to have less social acceptance.
This belief is flawed, because social acceptance is an internal state of which I am in control, so if I condition myself to always feel it then I cannot not feel socially accepted. It is also foolish to assume that, because I feel socially accepted means that I will act in a way that will drive people away from me. If anything I will make more friends and be accepted more, because I will feel more comfortable around people.
Belief 2
If I love someone unconditionally I could potentially experience massive amounts of hurt if rejected.
This belief is limiting, because having it causes me to appreciate life much less than if I love unconditionally, even if I do get rejected I will still be living a more enriched life. The real challenge with this belief is realising that I will experience more pain in the long run if I don't love unconditionally.
Belief 3
If I give unconditionally then people will take and take and I will eventually have nothing left.
This belief is flawed because the world works in a way that if you give from your heart you will receive in return and, if done correctly, adding value to people is frequently rewarded in monetary form. Furthermore, once giving unconditionally the true joy in life comes from giving and a scarcity mentality is no longer relevant.
I think beliefs like these are so common because they all at some point require a leap of faith to adopt. In a way they are also a barrier to another way of thinking. Once you adopt the beliefs your world changes and all the doubts you had before are no longer relevant. For example, once you are loving someone unconditionally you no longer fear rejection from them, because what makes you happy is seeing them happy. The difference is that your focus is no longer on yourself.
In order to have the courage to take the leap of faith and adopt these beliefs I feel that a certain level of personal growth is required. I still believe, however, that the best thing a person can do is to look through any beliefs like this and pick them apart like I have above. As you continue to chip away at your limiting beliefs you will eventually experience an epiphany that will cause you to transition to the more resourceful belief and way of thinking.
Belief 1
If I condition myself to always feel socially accepted then I will lose my sensory acuity to how people react to my actions and I will behave in a way that will cause me to have less social acceptance.
This belief is flawed, because social acceptance is an internal state of which I am in control, so if I condition myself to always feel it then I cannot not feel socially accepted. It is also foolish to assume that, because I feel socially accepted means that I will act in a way that will drive people away from me. If anything I will make more friends and be accepted more, because I will feel more comfortable around people.
Belief 2
If I love someone unconditionally I could potentially experience massive amounts of hurt if rejected.
This belief is limiting, because having it causes me to appreciate life much less than if I love unconditionally, even if I do get rejected I will still be living a more enriched life. The real challenge with this belief is realising that I will experience more pain in the long run if I don't love unconditionally.
Belief 3
If I give unconditionally then people will take and take and I will eventually have nothing left.
This belief is flawed because the world works in a way that if you give from your heart you will receive in return and, if done correctly, adding value to people is frequently rewarded in monetary form. Furthermore, once giving unconditionally the true joy in life comes from giving and a scarcity mentality is no longer relevant.
I think beliefs like these are so common because they all at some point require a leap of faith to adopt. In a way they are also a barrier to another way of thinking. Once you adopt the beliefs your world changes and all the doubts you had before are no longer relevant. For example, once you are loving someone unconditionally you no longer fear rejection from them, because what makes you happy is seeing them happy. The difference is that your focus is no longer on yourself.
In order to have the courage to take the leap of faith and adopt these beliefs I feel that a certain level of personal growth is required. I still believe, however, that the best thing a person can do is to look through any beliefs like this and pick them apart like I have above. As you continue to chip away at your limiting beliefs you will eventually experience an epiphany that will cause you to transition to the more resourceful belief and way of thinking.
Monday, 27 August 2007
How Responsibility Transcends the "Life is Unfair" Attitude
How do you deal with "unfair" situations? How do you feel if someone receives something better for doing less work than you? Is it right that you sometimes end up worse off than someone else even though you have better intentions?
When you say that something is unfair it implies that what happens to you is outside of your control. One of the main things I believe self-improvement is about is learning to take more responsibility and control for your life and destiny. The problem with claiming that something is unfair is that is has the complete opposite effect. Even if there are rare instances where you have absolutely no control over your current situation maintaining this attitude in the long term will cause you to relinquish control of your life.
So how can you deal with seemingly unfair situations?
You do everything in your power to try and get what you want. Let's say, for example, you apply for a job and someone who is less qualified than you gets it. This is a situation that you could potentially view as unfair. A good way to react to this situation is to continue to assume responsibility and try different means of getting the job. For example, you could continue to write to the employer expressing your belief of your suitability, you could offer unpaid internship to prove yourself, you could request feedback from interview and improve on the things where they thought you were weak, etc.
From the above example you can see that as long as you continue to assume responsibility there will always be more ways in which to act. Deciding that something is unfair is similar to accepting defeat, because you are saying to yourself that it is no longer up to you to get what you want.
I do, however, believe there are situations when it can be helpful to claim unfairness. It can be helpful to claim unfairness if it will cause you to get the result you want while remaining in line with your values. For example, if you are unfairly descriminated against in a job interview then I believe you can claim unfairness to the government, because this could help you get the job you want.
There are different ways in which the term unfair can be used. I want to be clear that I strongly believe it should be avoided when it becomes an attitude you have that causes you to give up control and responsibility. In my last example using unfairness is acceptable, because it is used to your advantage and you are still taking control of the situation.
Giving up the "life is unfair" attitude is another step you can take to accepting more responsibility for your life.
When you say that something is unfair it implies that what happens to you is outside of your control. One of the main things I believe self-improvement is about is learning to take more responsibility and control for your life and destiny. The problem with claiming that something is unfair is that is has the complete opposite effect. Even if there are rare instances where you have absolutely no control over your current situation maintaining this attitude in the long term will cause you to relinquish control of your life.
So how can you deal with seemingly unfair situations?
You do everything in your power to try and get what you want. Let's say, for example, you apply for a job and someone who is less qualified than you gets it. This is a situation that you could potentially view as unfair. A good way to react to this situation is to continue to assume responsibility and try different means of getting the job. For example, you could continue to write to the employer expressing your belief of your suitability, you could offer unpaid internship to prove yourself, you could request feedback from interview and improve on the things where they thought you were weak, etc.
From the above example you can see that as long as you continue to assume responsibility there will always be more ways in which to act. Deciding that something is unfair is similar to accepting defeat, because you are saying to yourself that it is no longer up to you to get what you want.
I do, however, believe there are situations when it can be helpful to claim unfairness. It can be helpful to claim unfairness if it will cause you to get the result you want while remaining in line with your values. For example, if you are unfairly descriminated against in a job interview then I believe you can claim unfairness to the government, because this could help you get the job you want.
There are different ways in which the term unfair can be used. I want to be clear that I strongly believe it should be avoided when it becomes an attitude you have that causes you to give up control and responsibility. In my last example using unfairness is acceptable, because it is used to your advantage and you are still taking control of the situation.
Giving up the "life is unfair" attitude is another step you can take to accepting more responsibility for your life.
Thursday, 23 August 2007
How to Beat Procrastination 2
What follows is a technique that I have found very effective for overcoming procrastination. I have already discussed one technique that I apply in this post, however, I believe that goals should be attacked from all angles and therefore the more techniques there are to use the better.
Procrastination arises when you feel doing something will cause you more pain than not doing it. Eventhough you logically know you should do it, you will not follow through with it if you feel like it will cause you pain or struggle.
What you therefore need to do is start seeing the pleasure in that thing that you "have" to do to achieve your goals. This could apply to doing exercise, speed reading practise, making a difficult phone call, etc.
For example, when thinking about exercise most people see the pain of exerting themselves and getting out of the house. The people that enjoy exercising see it as an opportunity to challenge themselves, experience some endorphins, get some fresh air and give themselves more energy for the rest of the day.
It really does come down to how you look at it and believe you will experience it. The actual activity of "going for a run" is not what differs from person to person greatly. It is the perception of it that differs so much.
So how do you change how you look at a certain activity?
What I do first is consciously ask myself the question "where is the fun in this activity?" I ask myself this question in different ways until I come up with the answer. Once I have come up with this answer I make the picture of the fun part of the activity big and bright and really feel the experience. With enough practise this becomes very easy and now I no longer find myself struggling to follow through with these activities, because I want to do them anyway.
If having read this you are thinking "well that sounds like a great exercise, but I really can't be bothered" then ask yourself that question now about following through with this very exercise. Once you enjoy carrying out this exercise you can use it to begin finding the fun in everything else you "should" be doing, but do not really want to do.
If there were a set of key challenges to overcome on the road to success, beating procrastination would be one of them. Enjoy this exercise :)
Procrastination arises when you feel doing something will cause you more pain than not doing it. Eventhough you logically know you should do it, you will not follow through with it if you feel like it will cause you pain or struggle.
What you therefore need to do is start seeing the pleasure in that thing that you "have" to do to achieve your goals. This could apply to doing exercise, speed reading practise, making a difficult phone call, etc.
For example, when thinking about exercise most people see the pain of exerting themselves and getting out of the house. The people that enjoy exercising see it as an opportunity to challenge themselves, experience some endorphins, get some fresh air and give themselves more energy for the rest of the day.
It really does come down to how you look at it and believe you will experience it. The actual activity of "going for a run" is not what differs from person to person greatly. It is the perception of it that differs so much.
So how do you change how you look at a certain activity?
What I do first is consciously ask myself the question "where is the fun in this activity?" I ask myself this question in different ways until I come up with the answer. Once I have come up with this answer I make the picture of the fun part of the activity big and bright and really feel the experience. With enough practise this becomes very easy and now I no longer find myself struggling to follow through with these activities, because I want to do them anyway.
If having read this you are thinking "well that sounds like a great exercise, but I really can't be bothered" then ask yourself that question now about following through with this very exercise. Once you enjoy carrying out this exercise you can use it to begin finding the fun in everything else you "should" be doing, but do not really want to do.
If there were a set of key challenges to overcome on the road to success, beating procrastination would be one of them. Enjoy this exercise :)
Tuesday, 21 August 2007
The Cost of Indecision
In some area of your life you may be undecided about something. Undecided about whether to commit fully to a relationship, whether to quit your job and start your own business, or whether to give up eating the trashy foods you love, etc.
The reason I find myself in this situation is because I feel that once I make a decision I may live to regret it. I fear a potential feeling of regret therefore I shy away from making the decision.
Recently, however, I have come to look at the situation differently. By looking at in this new way I understand that indecision is in fact setting myself up for greater regret. If I spend my whole life undecided about a major part of my life then I will not be giving my all to it. If I was to regret anything when looking back on my life it would be that I did not give my all to something. I could not imagine more pain than realising that I could have given more, lived life fuller and enjoyed myself more.
As well as everything I have just mentioned is the fact that once a decision on something major is made your life is no longer the same. Points you argued before making the decision are no longer relevant. For example, before committing to a relationship you may fear that you will never have the opportunity to be with anyone else, however, after making that commitment you could probably think of nothing worse than being with someone else.
There are probably more places than one in your life where you are hovering on a big decision. Once you have all the information you can realistically have about a decision you should not spend too long making that decision. Although it may seem difficult, it would be better to say you gave your all to your decision and not succeeded first time, than to live with having never made a decision at all.
The reason I find myself in this situation is because I feel that once I make a decision I may live to regret it. I fear a potential feeling of regret therefore I shy away from making the decision.
Recently, however, I have come to look at the situation differently. By looking at in this new way I understand that indecision is in fact setting myself up for greater regret. If I spend my whole life undecided about a major part of my life then I will not be giving my all to it. If I was to regret anything when looking back on my life it would be that I did not give my all to something. I could not imagine more pain than realising that I could have given more, lived life fuller and enjoyed myself more.
As well as everything I have just mentioned is the fact that once a decision on something major is made your life is no longer the same. Points you argued before making the decision are no longer relevant. For example, before committing to a relationship you may fear that you will never have the opportunity to be with anyone else, however, after making that commitment you could probably think of nothing worse than being with someone else.
There are probably more places than one in your life where you are hovering on a big decision. Once you have all the information you can realistically have about a decision you should not spend too long making that decision. Although it may seem difficult, it would be better to say you gave your all to your decision and not succeeded first time, than to live with having never made a decision at all.
Monday, 6 August 2007
Thank God for Close-Minded People
I hope the following example inspires a positive change in you like it did in me.
I have a friend who is very close-minded about his beliefs and sometimes it frustrates me when he won't listen to my theories. I know in my heart that they are right yet he still won't give me the time of day to discuss them.
Having taken the time to reflect on this experience I have learned that this situation has been very useful for me for two reasons.
One is that it reminds me that my beliefs may in fact be wrong no matter how confident I am about them or how fundamental I believe they are.
Secondly this can be a very useful exercise for developing my beliefs. When I argue with a very close-minded person I find that I am really challenged to justify what I believe in. As I do this I either learn that certain beliefs are horribly wrong or I develop my reasoning to either confirm or produce more accurate beliefs.
It's a win-win situation.
This is one hell of a reframe from when I used to argue with close-minded people and get frustrated when they wouldn't believe what I believed.
Another positive side-effect is that because of this positive outlook I am likely to discuss my beliefs calmly and therefore with greater clarity, making my arguement more persuasive than it would have been before.
I have a friend who is very close-minded about his beliefs and sometimes it frustrates me when he won't listen to my theories. I know in my heart that they are right yet he still won't give me the time of day to discuss them.
Having taken the time to reflect on this experience I have learned that this situation has been very useful for me for two reasons.
One is that it reminds me that my beliefs may in fact be wrong no matter how confident I am about them or how fundamental I believe they are.
Secondly this can be a very useful exercise for developing my beliefs. When I argue with a very close-minded person I find that I am really challenged to justify what I believe in. As I do this I either learn that certain beliefs are horribly wrong or I develop my reasoning to either confirm or produce more accurate beliefs.
It's a win-win situation.
This is one hell of a reframe from when I used to argue with close-minded people and get frustrated when they wouldn't believe what I believed.
Another positive side-effect is that because of this positive outlook I am likely to discuss my beliefs calmly and therefore with greater clarity, making my arguement more persuasive than it would have been before.
Saturday, 4 August 2007
How to Love What You Hate
This is a follow-up from my procrastination post.
The only trouble with the technique I just suggested is - what if you don't like to do what you have to do?
I think that if you don't like to do what you have to do it's because you're coming from an unresourceful perspective that I too find myself getting trapped in sometimes.
Physical exercise is a great example. We all know we should do it, but some of us just don't seem to enjoy it.
The real missing factor here is creativity and challenge.
Anything is enjoyable if we are creative enough and appreciate the challenge in something.
Some people love to exercise because they love the opportunity to beat their last record and grow.
Other people exercise because it's a great opportunity to socialise, for example by joining a sport's team or running club.
You think these guys have to beat themselves up to get out there and exercise?
These guys get annoyed if they miss a workout.
I genuinely believe that everything in life can be made enjoyable. Even if something seems painful, the challenge will help me to grow which I find very enjoyable.
Now the real challenge is conditioning myself to always look at things this way, because it's definately not in the human nature to do so.
The only trouble with the technique I just suggested is - what if you don't like to do what you have to do?
I think that if you don't like to do what you have to do it's because you're coming from an unresourceful perspective that I too find myself getting trapped in sometimes.
Physical exercise is a great example. We all know we should do it, but some of us just don't seem to enjoy it.
The real missing factor here is creativity and challenge.
Anything is enjoyable if we are creative enough and appreciate the challenge in something.
Some people love to exercise because they love the opportunity to beat their last record and grow.
Other people exercise because it's a great opportunity to socialise, for example by joining a sport's team or running club.
You think these guys have to beat themselves up to get out there and exercise?
These guys get annoyed if they miss a workout.
I genuinely believe that everything in life can be made enjoyable. Even if something seems painful, the challenge will help me to grow which I find very enjoyable.
Now the real challenge is conditioning myself to always look at things this way, because it's definately not in the human nature to do so.
Friday, 3 August 2007
How to Beat Procrastination
This is such a simple way of beating procrastination it's laughable.
The other day I wrote a comprehensive plan of things I wanted to do daily. The following day I found myself resisting wanting to follow through with what I had planned. I found this emotion amazing as another part of me knew that I loved to do all the things in my plan. After questioning myself I discovered that I was looking at the plan the wrong way.
Having made the plan I set myself up to feel "I HAVE to do this... and after this I HAVE to do that, etc." This subtle shift in attitude caused me to resist doing the very things I loved. Once I became aware of this it only took a second before I reminded myself that I in fact enjoyed doing these things and began following through with my plan straight away.
My point is that procrastination is caused by a sequence of thoughts. So all you need to do to beat procrastination is to change your thought patterns.
In my case procrastination comes when I feel I NEED to do something. I'm now very aware of this emotion and when I sense it arise I instantly shake myself out of the thought pattern and find genuine reasons why I enjoy what I WANT to do.
Try and recognise your strategy for inducing procrastination and make a real effort to break the habit. Become acutely aware as to when this emotion arises, then instantly destroy it. This is one of the biggies that could change you life.
The other day I wrote a comprehensive plan of things I wanted to do daily. The following day I found myself resisting wanting to follow through with what I had planned. I found this emotion amazing as another part of me knew that I loved to do all the things in my plan. After questioning myself I discovered that I was looking at the plan the wrong way.
Having made the plan I set myself up to feel "I HAVE to do this... and after this I HAVE to do that, etc." This subtle shift in attitude caused me to resist doing the very things I loved. Once I became aware of this it only took a second before I reminded myself that I in fact enjoyed doing these things and began following through with my plan straight away.
My point is that procrastination is caused by a sequence of thoughts. So all you need to do to beat procrastination is to change your thought patterns.
In my case procrastination comes when I feel I NEED to do something. I'm now very aware of this emotion and when I sense it arise I instantly shake myself out of the thought pattern and find genuine reasons why I enjoy what I WANT to do.
Try and recognise your strategy for inducing procrastination and make a real effort to break the habit. Become acutely aware as to when this emotion arises, then instantly destroy it. This is one of the biggies that could change you life.
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